I am not a fortune teller, but I can tell you right now how much time you have available to live from no on. Don’t call your doctor; there’s no time for that. You have only one moment to live. And this moment is all yours.
If you live it entirely, you can:
- Fulfill your dreams.
- Achieve your goals.
- Feel happy and satisfied.
- Secure your life.
- Make others happy and take care of them.
As you can see, this moment is very powerful, and it can change your life – how to say – in a moment!
I am sure you can guess which is this moment. Of course, it is the present moment. Now! Why “now”?
Why not “the next 60 years”? No, forget about them. There’s no future and no past. You cannot live in them.
The future is just the sum of other “now” moments. When they come, they become “now.” So the future can be considered as an illusion.
The past is a collection of your memories about “now”-moments you’ve already lived. This way, you can tell that the past is just a relic.
The present is the time in which you are living. You are here and now. At least your body is. If your mind is somewhere else, get it back immediately, because you will need it.
Now is the moment to:
- Do things.
- Say your words.
- Finish that project.
- Meet your friends.
- Love your spouse.
- Play with your children.
- Quit the job you hate.
- Start learning Italian.
- Go to the gym and do some exercise.
- Pick up the phone and call your parents.
The present moment is the moment to change your destiny. If you miss it, it will not come back. “Carpe Diem, Baby” – that’s Metallica, and they are damn right.
“NOW Is the Time of Winners! Tomorrow is for Losers!”
So, just do it and make sure you are doing it now!
One of the hardest things in life is to say “No.” People don’t like to reject others because they are afraid of not being liked by their colleagues, spouses, customers, partners. But in most cases, you should say “No” if you want to defend your time, goals, and interests. So one of the most crucial skills is to be able to reject others.
In this post, you will find 20 reality-proof ways to say “No.”
1. “I am in the middle of several projects.”
- let people know when you have accepted other responsibilities
- no need to make excuses if you don’t have any free time
- no one will fault you for having already filled your plate
2. “I am not comfortable with that.”
- You might be uncomfortable with any of several issues.
- The people involved, the type of work, the moral implications, etc.
3. “I am not taking on any new responsibilities.”
- You aren’t saying that you will never help out again.
- Just that you feel your schedule is as full as you would like now.
- Understanding your limits is a skill to be mastered.
4. “I am not the most qualified person for the job.”
- If you don’t feel that you have adequate skills, that’s okay.
- It’s better to admit your limitations upfront.
- The best way to avoid feeling overwhelmed down the road.
5. “I do not enjoy that kind of work.”
- Life isn’t about drudgery — if you don’t enjoy it, why do it?
- Don’t be afraid to let someone know you don’t want to do the work.
- Someone else is bound to enjoy the work you don’t want to do.
6. “I do not have any more room in my calendar.”
- Be honest if your schedule is full.
- “Full” doesn’t have to mean “really full.”
- Know when you are “fully booked” and stop taking new responsibilities.
7. “I hate to split my attention among projects.”
- Let people know that you want to do an excellent job for them.
- But you can’t when your focus is too divided or splintered.
- You will be more effective if you focus on one project at a time.
8. “I have another commitment.”
- It doesn’t matter what the commitment is.
- It can even only be time for yourself or with friends or family.
- You don’t have to justify — you are not available.
9. “I have no experience with that.”
- Volunteering shouldn’t mean learning an entirely new set of skills.
- Suggest that they find someone who has experience in that area.
- Offer to help out with something that you already know how to do.
10. “I know you will do a wonderful job yourself.”
- People often ask for help because they doubt their abilities.
- Let them know that you have confidence they will succeed.
- You are doing them a favor in the long run.
11. “I need to focus more on my personal life.”
- Don’t be ashamed of wanting to spend time with your family.
- Having a healthy family relationship is an essential priority.
- Be ready to put your personal needs first.
12. “I need to focus on my career right now.”
- Often, you have to focus your energies on a work-related task.
- You may have to give up some civic or community duties.
- If you don’t do it, someone else will take on the task.
13. “I need to leave some free time for myself.”
- It’s okay to be selfish — in a good way.
- Treat your personal time like any other appointment.
- Block off time in your calendar and guard it carefully.
14. “I would rather decline than do a mediocre job.”
- Know when you aren’t going to be able to deliver a quality product.
- The reason doesn’t matter — not enough time, wrong skills, etc.
- Whatever the reason is, it should be enough for turning a request down.
15. “I would rather help out with another task.”
- Saying no doesn’t mean that you can’t help at all.
- If someone asks you to do something you despise, refuse it.
- Then offer to help with something you find more enjoyable.
16. “Let me hook up with someone who can do it.”
- If you are not available to help out, offer another qualified resource.
- Helping to connect people is a valuable service to offer.
- Make sure the person you refer will represent you well.
- Sometimes it’s okay just to say no.
- Say it in a way that expresses respect and courtesy.
- Leave the door open for good relations.
18. “Not right now, but I can do it later.”
- If you want to help but don’t have time, say so.
- Offer to help at a later time or date.
- If they can’t wait for you, they’ll find someone else.
19. “Some things have come up that need my attention.”
- Unexpected things happen that throw your schedule off.
- Accept that you may need to make a few adjustments.
- It is temporary, and you will have more time when life stabilizes
20. “This is not one of my strengths.”
- It’s okay to admit your limitations.
- Knowing what you can handle and what you can’t is a skill.
- Your time will be more efficiently spent on something you do well.
All of us know that saying “No” is an important thing. Well, now we have at least 20 ways to do it. Hello, dream-life.
All of us follow specific patterns in our behavior. These patterns (habits, rituals) drive us all the time. Some patterns are moving us towards our goals and work for our good and wealth. There are some also habits that are not good for us and can damage our bodies, our souls, our relationships.
As we are rational creatures, we should interrupt our harmful patterns and improve and create good habits. I am a fan of Tony Robbins’ methodology, and I use his Pattern-breaking routine daily. During my practice, I have adapted his method to my routine, and I can tell you that it works. In this post, I am going to share with you my Bad Habits Demolition Sequence.
- Identify the bad pattern. You should be aware that you have a bad (one or more) habit and to know what it is.
- Catch and break. Catch and break the wrong pattern when you perceive its manifestation.
- Attach pain. Attach massive pain to the situation in which you continue to have that lousy pattern.
- Find the Bright Side. Find the better half of this pattern. Find a positive pattern to exchange the bad one.
- Attach pleasure. Attach massive pleasure and fun to the new positive habit.
- Apply consistently. Apply the positive pattern for at least 33 to 66 days, and the wrong model is gone!
Here’s an example of applying this sequence to a real problem. This example is a brief description based on my experience.
- Identify the bad pattern. You overeat. You should consider this a problem to identify it as a bad habit. If you like to eat and you don’t think it is wrong, this is not a bad habit from your point of view.
- Catch and break. Look at yourself, and when you notice the start of the usual cramming, do something weird. The idea is to break the pattern and shock yourself. For example, you can scream with a thin voice, “I am getting fatter, FATTER, F-A-T-T-E-R!!!” Every time you notice yourself cramming, do the same pattern-breaking action.
- Attach pain. Imagine yourself so fat with a mouth full of food. Imagine the impact on your health. See the girls/boys making fun with you. Imagine the disgust in the eyes of other people that meet you. Understand the truth that you are so fat (imagine it) that you cannot even scratch your butt.
- Find the Light. Find a positive substitute for cramming. What is it? Maybe it is not following a diet. As Tony Robbins says, “… people don’t like diets because they subconsciously think that the name “diet” comes from the word “die” …” :). Maybe you have to decrease the volumes you gulp down. Perhaps you should shift your mind and become a vegetarian? Who knows. Just find the way that fits best for you. Prepare a plan and follow it.
- Attach pleasure. Imagine and feel how good it will be for you to follow the new positive pattern. See yourself thinner. See the girls/boys trying to flirt with you. Feel your new and more beautiful body. Feel the pleasure of having such a perfect and efficient vehicle in your life. Now you can take on just one seat in the cinema or on the plane. Imagine this, feel it, see it, touch it.
- Apply consistently. The habit itself is something like software. For this software to be installed, there is an installation wizard, and it has the name “Repetition.” You should apply this sequence (1 to 5) consistently – every time you catch yourself using the lousy pattern.
Do this for at least one-two weeks and observe the results. And I promise you that there will be results!
A few months ago, my desk in the office looked like a big alien monster with countless sheets and pieces of paper, stickies, ten different pens and pencils, mugs, notebooks, and all that stuff that piles up while you work months and years on one place.
This white-yellow-blue pile generated a lot of stress and anxiety in my soul. So, one day, I decided to fix it up. Here’s what I have done:
- I have taken all documents concerning dead/finished projects and stored them in archive boxes. I put these boxes in a single cabinet close to my desk.
- I have ordered all documents concerning current projects on folders – one folder per project. I put these folders in a cabinet, too.
- I have thrown away all Post-it! Pieces, stickies, etc.
- I have left only one pen on the desk.
- I have left only one notebook on my desk.
I cannot describe the pleasure (even – ecstasy), which I felt when I saw my “new” desk. It now contained:
- My computer.
- My phone.
- A pen.
- A notebook.
- Nothing more.
I can tell that now it is a pure pleasure to work, write, or just surf sitting behind my desk. I now feel (a feeling unknown before) calmness and freedom. Now I am free of the yoke of paper. I call my office – “The Paperless Bureau” and I love it!